A cold night in Khartoum
the night begin so easy here in Khartoum and so fast the day is long but you cane easy know that the dark night is coming cause the city stay in the darkness all night the light are dam and the night is quote you cane here but at night the warm breeze the narrow street the lighted hoses keep so much secrets then one my know.
here i am in a corner of a dark street like in the waiting for a friend although i was not sure what to expect but it looked like some thing i never did was a social gay member i was always the one with the low profile movies made feel like i am doing some thing against the law but i am waiting for a friend we known each other for about five years but i never did know that he was gay no one in Sudan will tell you that he is gay few Seconds some one came to me he was in his mid thirties and about five pont seven skinny but look healthy he smiled and told me he was not sure that he would come and i thought why is all this discreet about i tried to light up the mood with him and asked him if he was going to frisk me although we were friend but i felt like he was still afraid or had doubt about me so we had the usually talk til we got to the house were they meet and he asked me to act like i known him for some time and not just three days but it was as soon as i got in i known that i was in a family they know each other for a long time there was a two on the yard talking and there was an outside in the kitchen and there was three people in it making dinner and the whole view was great it looked like every one was so it ws friendlily and happy and there were laughing so i thought to my self there is nothing cane be wrong here and he told me to get in the house.
When i got to the house i was waiting i am gust so i should be doing anything but wait for him there was the Ayman he was the big guy the owner of the house and he is 33 working in a big telecommunication company and he was taller and he was always smiling and having fun mucking every body looking like he was having fun there was Ali was 27 he was the young one he was the cook the works in an oil company he comes here ever night with Ayman and then there was Jamal he was 35 and Bakrie he was an owner of computer shop in Khartoum Abdul-Aziz and Hanie the were the know cable the were together for 7 years it was nothing but dinner and fun with my new friends.
after we had dinner and i get to know them more and more they asked how long did i know about them and i told them that Talal told me about this for some time but i never got the chance to me you guys but here i am new he told them that i was new and i had my doubts about this Ayman told me we all do have doubts and i idea about what we re Ayman what the most confident one there he know what he is and he know that being gay is not accepted here but that didn’t change him and he told me that most of is neighbors know about him but he don’t mind he told me tat he lost his so cold friends and family over this but it was his choice and he choice to live this life than I asked that it is a dangers choice that he take it was one question and the whole mood changed then he toke a deep breath and side i know at that time it like i clicked on some thing the room got colder and every one to the fun stopped and it back to the real world then one of them asked so innocently what wrong with us he needed an answer and all i could tell him there is nothing wrong you are perfect just the way you are i never did think one question could make them feel this depress so i stopped at that and before i know it was too late for me to stay it was about 3 in the morning and every one was about to leave i may didn’t get all the answers and didn’t ask all the questions but one thing i got so clear that we are facing a real dilemma, how hard it is and what going through living the day-to-day life when i was going home i stopped for coffee and a smoke at a tea lady feel bad that i round their night and how bad i felt that i did but then this guy with his friends asked the lady if she got any green tea and she told him she didn’t one of his friend told him that was so gay what do you want with green tea and the his friend side he enjoyed it then he asked the other lady next to here if she got it she told him yeas so he sat down there for the green tea and i asked my self it never ending, people will always do that influence other on their choices being different is always a case so i got home and started thinking of writing this post i thought of all the other people who are living in the night behind closed doors and never going out hidden bye lyres and shales to socials with other people and then it got to cold and it was another cold night in Khartoum